GREELEY, CO—Playing with the brand-new toy he received Wednesday, local 4-year-old Alex Strickland was entertained for five minutes by a plastic truck that will not biodegrade for another 10 centuries, sources confirmed. “Vroooom!” Strickland said before growing bored and tossing aside the toy that contains 11 separate plastic parts, each of which will outlive everyone on earth by dozens of generations. “I want to play something else now. Where are my Transformers?” At press time, sources confirmed that Strickland was enjoying Kool-Aid from a styrofoam cup that will outlast the toy by another million years.

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