Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it. “Come on, it’s right there on the counter. Nobody’s even looking. Just grab it,” said sources, adding that it looked especially delicious and that no one would be the wiser if you made off with the sweet, enticing dessert while you still had the chance. “What are you waiting for? Just look at that frosting. You know every bite’s going to be so rich, so moist. The coast is clear, and that big chunk has your name on it. Take it. Come on. Take it.” At press time, sources added that somebody else was definitely going to get in on that action if you don’t.

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