SCHAUMBURG, IL—Sources from within the car driving slowly past the Burger King at Roselle and Hartford report that, despite the late hour, the restaurant looks as if it could possibly be open. “Lights are still on, except for the sign, but the sign being off doesn’t necessarily mean anything, because they might just be getting ready to close,” the driver of the car said while searching for a place to turn around in order to drive by the fast-food restaurant again slowly. “There are people behind the counter and a guy mopping, so I think it’s probably open. Probably.” At press time, the opinion of the car’s occupants was to drive past one last time just to be totally sure.
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