TOMAH, WI—Noting that several old black-and-white photographs of the local area were hung on the walls and a Viterbo University “V-Hawks” basketball schedule was posted near the entrance, sources confirmed Tuesday that local Burger King franchise operator Scott Hamlin has added his own depressing little personal touches throughout the restaurant. “I want customers to have a good time here, so I put up a few things here and there to liven it up,” said Hamlin, who is said to have heartbreakingly attempted to distinguish store #2132 from other franchise locations by hanging a Fort McCoy “Go Army” towel behind the register. “We’re a part of this community, and I think the locals who come in deserve something a little more special than a regular fast food place. This isn’t just any old Burger King—it’s their Burger King.” At press time, Hamlin had received instructions from his regional franchise coordinator ordering him to replace the photo of the local Little League team he sponsors with a poster advertising the return of the Yumbo Hot Ham & Cheese Sandwich.

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