BREAKING: Mr. Bennington Completely Lost His Shit In 3rd Period

HASTINGS-ON-HUDSON, NY—Saying that the U.S. history teacher had freaked out over basically nothing, classroom sources confirmed Monday that Mr. Bennington completely lost his shit in third period. “We were in the middle of a unit on World War II and Kyle was just sort of talking with some friends, and all of a sudden, Mr. Bennington shouted ‘For crying out loud, Kyle!’ and slammed his fist down really hard on his desk,” said student Meredith Lynn, recalling that the normally affable teacher had been so incensed that he even yelled at Julie and Devon who had only been listening to Kyle and hadn’t even made a peep. “There was a vein popping out of his forehead, and he goes, ‘Get the Hell out of my class’—he actually said ‘Hell’—and makes Kyle pack up and leave. And even after he calmed down, it was still super intense. He just had us all read quietly for the rest of the period until the bell rang.” At press time, sources reported that Mr. Bennington hadn’t yet shown up for his fourth-period class.

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