Illustration for article titled Boyfriend Announces Plan To Spend Infuriating Afternoon Speaking In Australian Accent

SEATTLE—Bursting out of his bedroom and yelling “G’day, mate” at everyone within earshot, local boyfriend James Fitzpatrick announced plans Thursday to spend an infuriating afternoon speaking in an Australian accent. “For the next several excruciating hours, I pledge to reference Steve Irwin and Outback Steakhouse commercials, and repeatedly ask my girlfriend if she would like me to ‘throw some shrimp on the barbie,’” said Fitzpatrick, who, wearing nothing but his underwear, then proceeded to point and yell “crikey” over and over again at nothing in particular. “Starting right now, I will work tirelessly to incorporate the words ‘koala,’ ‘boomerang,’ and ‘didgeridoo’ into every sentence I say, regardless of if it makes sense or not. And let me be clear, I do not care if you have huge headphones on, or are actively trying to ignore me. In fact, that will only make me do this more. Now, who loves Vegemite?” At press time, Fitzpatrick further announced plans for his Australian accent to awkwardly shift into a Jamaican accent throughout the day. 

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