Boyfriend Announces Kneecap Apparently Worst Place To Get Shot

Illustration for article titled Boyfriend Announces Kneecap Apparently Worst Place To Get Shot

CLEVELAND—Claiming to have received the information from “seriously legit” sources, local boyfriend Eric Armour announced Monday that the kneecap was apparently the worst part of the human body in which to get shot. “Obviously, taking a bullet to the head or the chest is more lethal, but if you’re talking about the most painful place get shot, I’ve heard that’s the kneecap,” Armour said out of absolutely nowhere, adding that it was his understanding the tremendous pain resulted from there being “a bunch of nerves and shit” in the knee. “It sounds crazy at first, but when you think about it, getting shot in the knee could cause the entire kneecap to explode into a bunch of bone fragments that go up into your tendons and everywhere. Can you imagine what that would feel like? This guy I knew in college told me his cousin accidentally shot himself in the kneecap and it hurt like a motherfucker. And I guess the worst part is there’s no surgery that can fix it. That must really suck.” At press time, sources confirmed Armour had followed up with a claim that his jaw had enough bite force to take off a human finger easy.

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