AKRON, OH—Squandering the authority and respect accumulated during his tenure, Pantheon Systems senior manager Robert Crawford, 52, reportedly had his clout instantly evaporate Thursday upon his being seen wearing shorts at the company’s annual summer picnic. “Hey there, good to see you,” said the formerly intimidating supervisor, who moments after arriving at the Pantheon picnic site in a pair of khaki Izod shorts that rose above his knobby, pallid knees had caused his immense levels of influence to dissipate within a matter of seconds. “Nice day for this, huh? Hey, where can I get one of those burgers?” At press time, Pantheon’s employees who witnessed their boss inadvertently expose his pale, tufted stomach while reaching to catch an incoming Frisbee had silently resolved to demand a raise on Monday.

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