PHILADELPHIA—Saying he would not have been able to shake the eagle-eyed clerks even if he had wanted to, local black man Mike Chambers confirmed Thursday he was pretty impressed by how attentively Walgreens employees were tailing him. “Usually when I’m in a store, the cashiers just watch me from a distance while pretending to stock an endcap display, but these guys are doing a top-notch job of hovering right behind me the whole time,” said Chambers, 35, admitting that while he was greatly offended by the racial profiling, he couldn’t help but marvel at the lengths to which the employees went to avoid letting him out of their sight as he perused toothpaste brands and selected a bottle of ibuprofen. “Every time I round an aisle, another person is right there, pointedly asking if they can help me find something. They’re real pros here, really thorough. I can only assume it’s because of their training.” At press time, sources reported that Chambers had paid for his items and taken three steps toward the exit before the store manager stopped him and asked to examine his receipt.

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