TULSA, OK—Pausing very briefly to reflect joyfully on her new role amid the day’s flurry of activity, new parent Suzanne Knott declared “becoming a mother has been the most thrilling experience of my life” Friday while fleeing the hospital with the baby she abducted mere moments before. “The very first moment I held this tiny human in my arms, I knew my entire world had changed forever,” said Knott, clutching the sleeping newborn close to her chest as she cut through the natal ICU to avoid pursuit, knocking over carts and incubators behind her to deter the nurses and security guards attempting to intercept her. “When her big, brown eyes met mine, I knew I would do anything for her, including knocking out her attending physician, stealing his coat, sneaking into the nursery, scooping her out of her crib, and running to the parking garage. I know, I know, everyone says motherhood changes a person, but until I finally clutched her close to my chest, I didn’t realize how true it was. And now this little one’s all mine.” Knott has yet to decide on a name, but was strongly leaning towards “Autumn” after hiding overnight with her baby in a pile of leaves.

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