IOWA CITY, IA—Deliberately marshaling the last of her patience with the half-naked preschooler in the hopes of reaching a peaceful resolution, babysitter Rachel Cullman entered into the third hour of negotiations Tuesday to get 4-year-old Caden Foley to put his pants back on as the window before his bedtime drew ever closer to closing. “Come on, Caden, your parents will be home any minute now, and if you’re running around like this, I’m going to look like a total idiot. Please, for the love of God, just put your pants back on,” said Cullman, who, despite using all the childcare knowledge acquired in three years of babysitting to de-escalate the situation without resorting to her final bargaining tactic of bribery with chocolate pudding cups, was stonewalled by the pantless boy, who refused to come down from the couch where he was threatening to pee on the family dog. “I can get you whatever you want—bubbles, an episode of Doc McStuffins, overalls instead of pants—you just say the word and it’s yours. How about we start by just putting on some fun Spider-Man underwear? We don’t want your family to see you like this. You have all the power right now, Caden. You’re the boss here. Let’s just take it nice and easy.” At press time, Caden had convinced his 2-year-old brother, Liam, to take off his diaper.
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