NEW YORK—Wishing he could just curl up under his blanket and die, infant Liam Henderson reportedly felt foolish Thursday after realizing a stranger he had responded to on the subway was actually waving at the toddler sitting one seat over. “Oh my God, I was smiling and babbling at him the whole time—I’m such an idiot,” said Henderson, adding that he was mortified at having burbled nonsense syllables at a man who was in fact interacting with a 2-year-old girl sitting nearby. “There’s no way to brush this one under the rug. I mean, I made a loud cooing noise and flailed my arms up and down like a complete moron. I must have looked like a total fucking doofus. I swear, if my arms were just a little longer, I would pull that emergency lever and abandon ship.” Sources confirmed Henderson then spent a few seconds looking frantically around the train car for something else he could pretend to have been laughing at when he suddenly became distracted by his toes.

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