Aunt Somehow Got Married, Divorced Twice Since Last Time Nephew Saw Her

DULUTH, MN—Remarking on their relative’s unusually eventful romantic life, nephews and nieces of Janine Harrison, 48, confirmed Monday that their aunt managed to somehow both marry and divorce two separate times since the last time they had seen her. “I don’t think it’s been that long—five years at the outside—but it seems Aunt Janine has been through a lot,” said Peter Miles, youngest son of Janine’s brother Harold, struggling to work through the most probable mental timeline of his aunt’s recent relationships. “So, the last time I saw her she was still engaged to that surf-shop owner, Tony something-or-other, but they had been fighting a lot, so I’m not really too surprised they eventually divorced. Apparently, she also has some ex-husband named Lazlo now; their relationship went south after his skydiving academy went belly-up and she got custody of their German shepherd. I thought there was also a random goateed guy somewhere in there, marine salvage broker, name escapes me, not that it’s really important since it seems he was some sort of side piece. You have to admit it’s impressive she’s able to move on so quickly.” Miles later received a call from his cousin informing him that their aunt was three weeks into planning a Costa Rican destination wedding with Glen, a previously unheard-of classical guitarist and restaurateur.

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