Area Man Will Always Remember This As The Summer He Lived Life Normally And Everyone Was Mad At Him

Illustration for article titled Area Man Will Always Remember This As The Summer He Lived Life Normally And Everyone Was Mad At Him

AUSTIN, TX—Getting sentimental as he discussed going about his regular routine to the outrage of those around him, area man Mike Kinkel told reporters Tuesday that he would always remember this as the summer he lived life normally and everyone got really mad at him all the time. “Years from now, when I look back on these months, I’ll fondly recall how I didn’t change my behavior one bit and people often crossed the street to avoid me, in some cases yelling at me about how I was helping to spread deadly germs,” said Kinkel, blissfully reminiscing about his annual Fourth of July barbecue bash, which he held with his usual 75-person guest list, only to be cursed out by his neighbors for the large gathering. “People will remember this summer for a lot of reasons, but for me what stands out are the times I continued to eat indoors at all my favorite restaurants while people walking passed gave me the stink eye and muttered that I was a fucking asshole for not wearing a mask. It’ll be fun to go back through my social media feed years from now and read all the angry comments on the photos I posted of me out on the town or in crowded, unventilated bars with my group of friends.” At press time, sources confirmed Kinkel was busy making new summertime memories while being intubated by irritated doctors.

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