Illustration for article titled Area Man Marries Woman He Barely Knows After 5 Years Of Dating

ENCINO, CA—According to sources in attendance at the ceremony, area man Daniel Walter was wed Saturday to Kelly Kaminski, a woman he hardly even knows after five years of dating. “Kelly, you are my rock, my everything, and you never cease to amaze me,” said Walter, 37, who is reportedly deluding himself if he thinks he’s ready to marry Kaminski, considering he doesn’t know what, if anything, he truly has in common with the 34-year-old executive assistant he started dating in 2010. “I love you, and I can’t wait for us to begin this adventure together.” Sources also stated that the bride must be pretty naïve if she thinks she knows what she’s getting into with a man who is always forgetting the names of all her closest friends he’s fucked.


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