WILMINGTON, NC—Confirming suspicions the man had yet to make it past the book’s 16-page prefatory material, sources reported Monday that all the fun facts about Dwight D. Eisenhower shared by local father Andrew Keller had come from the prologue of the biography he began reading several weeks ago. “Did you know they called Eisenhower the Man from Abilene? That’s the name of the town in Kansas where he grew up,” said Keller who has apparently completed less than 2 percent of acclaimed biographer Jean Edward Smith’s Eisenhower In War And Peace, though he began reading the 976-page volume soon after he purchased it in mid-March of this year. “Ike is a figure who’s always fascinated me, not only because he served as 34th president of the United States, but because he was a five-star general in the Army, a president of Columbia University, and the first supreme commander of NATO. It’s interesting stuff. Oh, and of course you can’t forget Eisenhower had a wife named Mamie.” At press time, sources confirmed that Keller had moved on to recalling fun facts about Eisenhower he had learned from the promotional copy featured on the book’s jacket.
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