TOPEKA, KS—After spending decades focused solely on his career and then retirement, local 70-year-old man Dennis Lambert was reportedly worried Tuesday that he was running out of time to have kids. “My biological clock is ticking, and I’m concerned there won’t be many more opportunities to start a family,” said Lambert, explaining that when you’re “getting up there” in age, there are certain realities you have to start thinking about, namely that you may only have 10 or 20 viable years left to father a child, unless you want to be that 95-year-old dad playing with his kid at the park, being watched in silent judgment by onlookers. “I’m worried that I’m going to wake up one day and realize the chance to have children has passed me by because I’m dead. It just sucks that as a man, you only have this small, 80-year window in which you are able to procreate and that you are forced to choose between enjoying your retirement or having children.” At press time, Lambert was considering freezing his sperm.
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