60-Year-Old Corporate Executive Grotesquely Forms Word ‘Hashtag’

Illustration for article titled 60-Year-Old Corporate Executive Grotesquely Forms Word ‘Hashtag’

MINNEAPOLIS—Contorting his wrinkled mouth unnaturally in order to produce the vocalization, 60-year-old Vanderweigh Media CEO Robert Flynn reportedly employed his ancient organs of speech at a meeting Wednesday to grotesquely form the word “hashtag.” According to sources, the sexagenarian marketing executive began the hideous utterance by lifting the roof of his mouth slightly and forcing a putrid breath upwards through his ragged vocal cords, as a loose flap of neck skin vibrated in tandem. Observers told reporters that Flynn then mustered what little saliva he could and slid his tongue against the back of his yellowing teeth to articulate the second loathsome syllable. At press time, the ancient executive had dislodged a morsel of phlegm from the back of his throat and was preparing to befoul the conference room with the word “retweet.”


Share This Story

Get our newsletter