ALBANY, NY—Shaken to his core by the realization that he had independently shared every significant detail of his fellow classmate’s vacation, fourth-grader Bryan Gardener was sent into a profound panic Thursday as it dawned on him that student Jimmy Perez, who gave his presentation immediately before Gardener, evidently experienced the exact same summer he had. “There’s no way I can go after this,” said Gardener, 10, sinking deeper into his chair with every description of Perez’s fun time at the beach, adventures with friends, and seeing the new Avengers film on two separate occasions. “Jimmy had a great time, too? I thought I did, but now it’s totally going to seem like I’m copying him. My report even starts with ‘What I Did Last Summer,’ just like his. How was I supposed to know?” Bethany Cookmane, Gardener’s teacher, was unavailable for comment, having succumbed to depression brought on by the realization that she’d had the same summer as Perez.

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