PAOLI, PA—Worried that people will be staring at him everywhere he went, 45-year-old Harold Brauner was reportedly self-conscious and embarrassed Wednesday by the sudden, unexpected changes his body was going through. “Oh my god, everyone at work is going to think I’m some sort of freak,” said Brauner, who has reportedly felt ashamed and confused ever since turning 45 and beginning to notice himself suddenly filling out and growing hair in strange new places. “I’m sweating all the time, and I just feel so weird and gross. It’s like I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror anymore. Wearing loose shirts and sweatpants helps, but then I feel like it’s obvious I’m hiding something. Ugh, why is this happening to me? I hate it! I hate it!” At press time, Brauner was taking some comfort in the fact his friends all seemed to be going through the same unsightly changes.