AUSTIN, TX—Disheartened that his dreams had yet to come to fruition, local 37-year-old Michael Campbell was reportedly worried Wednesday that he might have missed the boat on becoming a child prodigy. “Don’t get me wrong, I know 37 is still young, but sometimes I wonder if it’s too late to become a world-renowned chess wunderkind,” said Campbell, struggling to conclude whether his early 30s had been his last shot or if he was merely a late bloomer who still had time to become a teenage lawyer or physician. “I always thought that by this age, I’d be a famous whiz kid like Srinivasa Ramanujan or John Stuart Mill, and it sucks because I think I’d make a really great prodigy, too. I don’t know, maybe I’m being too hard on myself. I still have 30 or 40 years left. Plus, my gymnastics teacher said I’m making tremendous improvements.” At press time, Campbell consoled himself that at least he was more talented than his 8-year-old son.
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