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Illustration for Mom Completely Understands That Coming To Thanksgiving Is Risky And That You Don’t Love Her Anymore

Mom Completely Understands That Coming To Thanksgiving Is Risky And That You Don’t Love Her Anymore

KANSAS CITY, MO—Acknowledging that she had seen all the warnings about holiday travel on the news, local mom Mary Simpson announced Tuesday that she completely understood that coming to Thanksgiving would be risky for all involved and that you didn’t love her anymore. “No, no, don’t apologize, honey—if it isn’t safe and you don’t care enough about me to make the…

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Illustration for Man On Zoom Date Unsure If He Expected To Pay Internet Bill

Man On Zoom Date Unsure If He Expected To Pay Internet Bill

Illustration for Man Not Sure If He’s Tying Condom Correctly

Man Not Sure If He’s Tying Condom Correctly

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Facts Carefully Redacted From Travel Story To Avoid Revealing It Mission Trip

Facts Carefully Redacted From Travel Story To Avoid Revealing It Mission Trip

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Purity Ring Powerless Against Cody

Purity Ring Powerless Against Cody

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Report: At Least Flight Home To Be Little Less Crowded

Report: At Least Flight Home To Be Little Less Crowded

Nov 23

‘Daddy, I’m Hungry!’ Says 27-Year-Old Bursting Into Background Of Father's Video Conference

‘Daddy, I’m Hungry!’ Says 27-Year-Old Bursting Into Background Of Father's Video Conference

Nov 20

Crab Always Gets Little Thrill Crawling Over Bleached Skeleton Of Pirate On Secluded Beach

Crab Always Gets Little Thrill Crawling Over Bleached Skeleton Of Pirate On Secluded Beach

Nov 20

Man On Zoom Date Unsure If He Expected To Pay Internet Bill

Man On Zoom Date Unsure If He Expected To Pay Internet Bill

Nov 20

Park Shelter Good A Place As Any To Be Deflowered

Park Shelter Good A Place As Any To Be Deflowered

Nov 18

Man Not Sure If He’s Tying Condom Correctly

Man Not Sure If He’s Tying Condom Correctly

Nov 18

Terrified Woman Begs Murderer Not To Decrease Property Values In The Neighborhood

Terrified Woman Begs Murderer Not To Decrease Property Values In The Neighborhood

Nov 18

Mental Health Day Spent Spiraling

Mental Health Day Spent Spiraling

Nov 17

Mom Completely Understands That Coming To Thanksgiving Is Risky And That You Don’t Love Her Anymore

Mom Completely Understands That Coming To Thanksgiving Is Risky And That You Don’t Love Her Anymore

Nov 17

Private Eye Struggling To Meet Women Who Aren’t Suspect In Late Husband’s Murder

Private Eye Struggling To Meet Women Who Aren’t Suspect In Late Husband’s Murder

Nov 16

Boyfriend Announces Kneecap Apparently Worst Place To Get Shot

Boyfriend Announces Kneecap Apparently Worst Place To Get Shot

Nov 16

No Amount Of Training Could Have Prepared Cat For First Experience Seeing Mouse In Real Life

No Amount Of Training Could Have Prepared Cat For First Experience Seeing Mouse In Real Life

Nov 16

Man Who Laid It On Thick About Quitting Job Not Such Hot Shit During Pandemic

Man Who Laid It On Thick About Quitting Job Not Such Hot Shit During Pandemic

Nov 13

Heroin Destroys Promising Young Spoon

Heroin Destroys Promising Young Spoon

Nov 12

Covid Patient Told To Go Throw Himself On Body Pile Until Hospital Bed Freed Up

Covid Patient Told To Go Throw Himself On Body Pile Until Hospital Bed Freed Up

Nov 4

Woman Loads Up On Discounted Voting Machines Day After Election

Woman Loads Up On Discounted Voting Machines Day After Election

Nov 3

Confused Man Obsessively Refreshing Ted Danson’s IMDB Page

Confused Man Obsessively Refreshing Ted Danson’s IMDB Page

Nov 3

‘Not So Fast,’ Says Poll Watcher's Voice Echoing From Inside Ballot Box

‘Not So Fast,’ Says Poll Watcher's Voice Echoing From Inside Ballot Box

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