ALLENTOWN, PA—In preparation for a traditional family recipe passed down by her grandparents, local woman Nicole Fitzsimmons sealed several leftover pizza crusts in a plastic container Thursday with an eye to making pizza stock from them later this week. “Most people just throw out their ‘pizza bones,’ but there’s a…

LAWRENCE, KS—Admitting that he never pictured frittering away his time on Earth in quite this fashion, part-time retail employee Michael Storrs, 34, told sources Monday that he always thought he’d squander his life differently. “If you had asked me, when I was younger, how I’d waste whatever potential I have, I’d have…

SAN FRANCISCO—Acknowledging that some of his clients have to overcome some initial hesitation, cognitive therapist Dr. Daniel Boyer spoke Monday regarding his innovative technique of simply allowing his patients to beat the living shit out of him for 45 minutes. “Sometimes I fight back at first, but it’s important for…