‘Becoming A Mother Has Been The Most Thrilling Experience Of My Life,’ Reports Woman Fleeing Hospital With Stolen Baby

TULSA, OK—Pausing very briefly to reflect joyfully on her new role amid the day’s flurry of activity, new parent Suzanne Knott declared “becoming a mother has been the most thrilling experience of my life” Friday while fleeing the hospital with the baby she abducted mere moments before. “The very first moment I held…

‘Once They Put Me On Cheeses, I Will Finally Be Happy,’ Says Costco Employee Handing Out Free Vienna Sausage Samples

WINCHESTER, VA—Attributing her current apathy to being stuck in the wholesaler’s remote canned goods aisle, Costco employee Tanya Fairbanks quietly remarked Friday that “Once they put me on cheeses, I will finally be happy,” as she handed out free samples of Vienna sausage. “I used to think that if I could just get…

Advertisement